Dear diary.

Dear diary.
Today my eyes are crying blood and I am counting hours to my death.
Today I understood myself a little bit more and I figured it out, how to hide your scars.
Eventhough they are getting bigger and worse every day.

Dear diary. Today is a bad day.

I have new dreams and ideas (you can call them illusions as well!) and I actually think it is a good sign. I start to live again, at least while sleeping and dreaming. There is again something to do, something to work for and something to live for. And yes, it makes me happy just to think about all those small bridges connecting in my head. Even the picture of me lying on the floor, writing plans with maps, markes, post-its and iPod makes me feel so much better! It means I have something to do, even if I am getting crazy! I still have the reason to walk till the end.

My brains are not totally dead yet so I know that everything what I am writing here sounds ridicilous and stupid but sometimes I just need to write everything down. I just feel like shit at the moment.

But life is a road, and I will walk trough it with Christopher. (Somebody needs to remind me of explaining later the story of me and Christopher!) And it will be a great jorney! I will travel, eat, maybe pray and love. That is how it is supposed to go, isn't it?